Attack of the Fanboy

Halo Reach : Do you remember your first time?

by William Schwartz


You ease it in gently. Your breath catches in your lungs. Trepidation holds sway upon you. You’ve been so eager for this for so long. Will it live up to expectation? Will you be terrible? Will you rise to the occasion? You put on your best metal music before hand to pump yourself up. A couple of alcoholic drinks to make things easier, loosen you up. Yeah, that feels a damn sight better. You’re limber now. You announce it on Facebook so everyone knows. Text your friends. Invite them to join you and bear witness to… Halo Reach. (That’s my personal preference any how)

Perhaps this is late in coming, however be fair to me, this is my first article. So, it came last September (Giggidy) and you, Halo fans were eager to lap it up! How did you fair? Were you the soldier they wanted you to be? It took me a while, and the kindness of a brother, however, last week, I got my sweaty, grubby hands upon my copy of Reach.

I don’t know if you have a ritual for when you first play that game you’ve been waiting, salivating for? I do. It involves me, my bro, beer, either Pantera or Slipknot and a gaming marathon that lasts until we complete the whole thing. My girlfriend was not impressed. She became a Halo Widow. So what do you do when you get a hold of the copy of the title you have wanted to play for soooo long?

Now I’m a simple man, with simple needs. As long as I’m fed, watered, get my fix of The Mentalist and I’m able to run around a map, Assault Rifle cocked,  locked and ready to rock, I’m happy. That’s the beauty I find in FPS games, right from Goldeneye up to Halo: Reach and Crysis. By the way, if you haven’t checked out the Crysis 2 multiplayer demo on X-Box live, I suggest you do, if only for the voice which tells you when you have full armour on or cloaking. He seriously needs some throat lozenges. Anyway, the beauty of a first person shooter is that you can literally blow the sheer crap out of every possible thing. Once you’ve tackled the campaign, you get your ass online and take that Assault Rifle and pump as many rounds into Elites, Locust, Gears, Spartans, Zombies or Insurgents as your right index finger will let you. And that my friends is why I can compare that first play of an eagerly awaited title to sex or chcolate or that moment right before your favourite Dimebag Darrell, Richie Sambora, Joe Perry or Zakk Wylde solo. It’s the endorphines. Halo: Reach my friends. It’s better than sex.

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