‘I’m Me, Not Him’: Thousands Of Women Are Revealing Why They Refused To Take Their Husband’s Last Name, And Their Reasons Are Eye-Opening

A TikTok video has started a big conversation about why women keep their last names after getting married. TikToker @lumomoneyyy posted a video asking other women to share why they didn’t change their names. Thousands of women replied with their own stories and reasons.

For a long time, women in the U.S. and other countries have been expected to take their husband’s last name when they marry. This custom comes from a time when women were treated like their husband’s property. That’s why at weddings, the bride’s father walks her down the aisle and hands her off to the groom. But more and more women are asking why this still happens today.

Women in the comments shared all sorts of reasons for keeping their own names. Many said the same basic thing in different ways. They’re their own person, not an extension of their husband. One woman put it simply, saying “it felt weird. I came into this world with my name. Why would I change it.” This feeling came up again and again in the responses.

The Reasons Go Way Beyond Just Tradition

Women shared reasons that were both practical and personal. Dr. Ally Boying said she got her doctorate with her last name and she’s the only one in her family with an advanced degree. For many working women, their names are connected to their jobs and what they’ve achieved.

Culture was also a big factor for many women. One first-generation Mexican American woman said her name was part of who she is and she didn’t want to give it up. She also wants her family name on her college degree since she’ll be the first in her family to graduate. 

Another woman talked about Islamic tradition, where women are supposed to keep their last names and not lose their identity.

Some women had funny reasons that still made good points. Shelby King joked that her last name is King and her husband’s is Butler, so why would she downgrade herself? Others talked about wanting to avoid the hassle of going to the DMV, or not wanting to get a new passport photo when they actually looked good in their current one.

Many women pointed out the unfairness in the tradition. One person said she won’t absorb her identity into a man’s, especially since he would never think about changing his name. Another woman shared that her fiance is taking her last name instead, to honor her late father who died when she was young.

The discussion also showed how frustrated women are with common arguments for changing names. One woman said she keeps her name out of spite after people told her “it’s not even your name, it’s your dad’s.” 

She pointed out that her fiance’s last name is just his dad’s name too. The conversation showed that for many women today, changing your name after marriage feels old and unnecessary. As one person put it, they got married, not bought, and they don’t think a woman needs to change who she is just because she got married.