Have you heard about this AI stuff? Apparently, it’s kind of a big deal and it can do whatever you want and it’s going to take all our jobs or something. I don’t really understand it all, probably because I have Final Fantasy XIV brain rot and spend all my time thinking of cute new outfits for my precious little bunny boy Warrior of Light.
Not a moment goes by when I’m not thinking about glamour. I eat, sleep, and breathe Final Fantasy fashion. I raid for glamour. I salivate at the thought of new Jobs in the next expansion not for gameplay, but for glam. I leveled all my crafters and gatherers specifically to make clothes. I have done unspeakable things for Gil to fund my market board addiction.
All this talk about AI lately got me thinking that maybe automation can help ease the burden and give me some new outfits to work toward. I’m a modern man in a modern world, so I should probably learn my way around these AI tools at some point so I hopefully don’t get replaced by robots down the line. That’s why I logged into Final Fantasy XIV during work hours to prove two things: that AI has no drip and I have way too much time on my hands.
Using ChatGPT to Design Glamour
To start things off, I did what most people probably do when they want to start experimenting with these AI chatbots. I googled “ChatGPT” and clicked the first link that popped up. This takes you to the OpenAI website, where you can mess around with ChatGPT 3.5 (keep this version number in mind, it’ll be important later).
A blank text box with a flashing cursor beckons to me, promising limitless possibilities. It sings a siren’s song with simple lyrics: “Send a message.” The page provides examples to serve as inspiration. “Explain quantum computing in simple terms” and “How do I make an HTTP request in Javascript” are among the jumping-off points. It’s not science we’re here for though; it’s style.
The First Attempt
After a brief moment, I dive headfirst into the AI abyss and input my first command. “Design an outfit for a male Viera in Final Fantasy XIV.” The machine takes a moment to think and spits out a response. It describes the Viera as an elegant and mystical race and attempts to design an outfit around those elements. It names the outfit “Vaelin’s Grace” and gives me a list of components with explanations for why each one was included.
- Headgear: Antler Crown
- Hairstyle: Flowing Locks
- Top: Elven Tunic
- Bottom: Sylvan Leggings
- Footwear: Leaf-Walker Boots
- Gloves: Enchanted Gauntlets
- Accessories
- Amulet of the Wind
- Sylvan Belt
- Nature’s Embrace Cape
- Weapon: Crescent Thornblade.
If you’re familiar with Final Fantasy XIV, then you’ve already realized the fatal flaw with this outfit. None of these items are in Final Fantasy XIV. The AI pulled these names out of thin air with the exception of “Vaelin’s Grace,” which appears to be stolen from a series of books called Raven’s Shadow.
I inform the machine of its mistake and it apologizes. As an AI language model, it doesn’t have access to real-time data or the ability to browse the internet, so it can’t pull in-game items from Final Fantasy. It spits out another list of clothes, this time called “Eorzean Forestwalker,” and returns mostly the same group of nonexistent items.
Bing’s Horrifying AI Art
Hitting a dead end, I continue my clothing quest with Bing’s new AI search engine. This uses GPT-4, the most recent version of OpenAI’s language model, and it can search the web. I open with the same request to design an outfit for a male Viera, only this time I am met with horrors beyond human comprehension.
For some reason, Bing automatically generates AI art based on your search queries if it thinks it’s appropriate. The first result it returns to me is a collage of four images of “a male Viera in Final Fantasy XIV wearing a stylish outfit.” Three of the four are the usual AI art fare with nonsensical backgrounds and terrifyingly disfigured hands, but the fourth image was quite a surprise.
That unholy rabbit abomination is what the AI thinks a male Viera looks like. Now, I’ll give credit where it’s due: that is quite a stylish outfit. However, that’s not quite what a male Viera looks like. Despite this ill omen, I press on.
The First Real AI Outfits
Bing gives me three outfits for a male Viera: a forest ranger, a dancer, and a mage. For the forest ranger glamour, it recommends a jacket, shirt, pants, and boots. The mage outfit calls for rare items like “a robe” and “gloves.” The AI clearly needs more direction, so I ask it to include in-game items. Finally, I get something I can work with. For the forest ranger glamour, it recommends the following:
- Leather Jacket (Body, Level 1)
- Linen Shirt (Body, Level 15)
- Brown Leather Breeches (Legs, Level 1)
- Boarskin Crakows (Feet, Level 25)
Already, this list has several issues. Firstly, it gives two options for the body, probably (incorrectly) assuming a jacket can be worn over a shirt. Second, the level requirements are wrong. Third, “Brown Leather Breeches” don’t exist, so I replaced them with similarly-leveled Cotton Trousers. I tried both the Leather Jacket and Linen shirt variations and got these results.
These aren’t entirely awful, but they’re definitely not what most Final Fantasy XIV players would consider to be glamour. As I purchase the items for the AI’s dancer-themed glamour, I hope things will turn out better. They didn’t. The AI recommends the following pieces for the dancer-themed outfit:
- Silk Vest of Aiming (Body, Level 80)
- White Linen Shirt (Body, Level 15)
- Black Summer Tanga (Legs, Level 1)
- Songbird Shoes (Feet, Level 1)
Again, more problems arise. The AI gives me two body options yet again, and the first one doesn’t even exist. It claims the Silk Vest of Aiming can be acquired from the Eden’s Promise raid tier, but the Aiming chest piece from that is the Edenmorn Coat of Aiming.
Also, the Black Summer Tanga is gender locked for female characters. So much for my specific “male Viera” request, I guess. At least I already have the Songbird Shoes, which are a real money purchase from the Mog Station.
I’m left with a glam that looks remarkably similar to the previous (minus the pants). My hopes continue to be crushed, but I press on. If you’re wondering about the mage glamour that it recommended, it just listed every piece of the Shadowless armor set from The Heroes’ Gauntlet dungeon. That’s not a glamour set, that’s just a full set of dungeon gear. That’s cheating, ChatGPT.
AI Casual Glamour
In an attempt to bring out the AI’s creative side, I ask it to design a casual glamour set for a male Viera. Again, it returns frustratingly generic options like “a sweater and jeans” or “a T-shirt and shorts.” That’s not exactly a huge help, so I ask it for specific in-game items yet again. Surprisingly, it comes up with a somewhat decent outfit. Unsurprisingly, the other two it shows after that are hilariously awful.
First up, it recommends these three pieces for a sweater and jeans glamour outfit:
- Cashmere Sweater (Body, Level 50)
- Ramie Trousers of Gathering (Legs, Level 60)
- High House Boots (Feet, Level 50)
Finally, we’re getting somewhere. While there isn’t a “Cashmere Sweater” in the game, there is a Cashmere Poncho which is probably what the AI was referring to. A lot of diehard Final Fantasy XIV players already have the Cashmere set, so this is an easy win. As for the legs and boots, those are easily obtained via the market board. Within a few minutes, my Viera is decked out like this.
The boots might not be a perfect match, but the rest of the outfit is solid if a little simple. If you thought the AI was starting to pick up on fashion trends though, you’re sorely mistaken. It is a language learning model, not a fashion learning model, after all. For a T-shirt and shorts glam, it recommends the following:
- Summer’s Flame Tee (Body, Level 1)
- Hempen Pantalettes (Legs, Level 5)
- Thavnairian Sandals (Feet, Level 50)
Thankfully, I have the Summer’s Flame Top (what the AI was trying to describe) from a previous Moonfire Faire event, so that’s taken care of. However, Hempen Pantalettes are gender locked and I can’t wear them. Thankfully, my Viera’s underwear looks just like the pair of short shorts that the AI recommends. Plus, the Thavnairian Sandals are an easy market board purchase. With that out of the way, behold: “T-shirt and shorts.”
Understanding Gender
I wouldn’t wear it in roulettes, but I’m sure this glam would be all the rage at the Limsa Lominsa Aetheryte Plaza or one of those RP venues that annoying people are constantly advertising in shout chat. Huge props to the AI for its open-minded opinion on gender expression, but it still doesn’t understand that male characters still can’t wear certain items. I remind the AI of Final Fantasy XIV’s gender restrictions and it returns a new list with replacements for male characters.
Instead of the Summer’s Flame Tee, it recommends the Summer’s Flame Shirt. Those are the same thing and you got the name wrong both times. Nice one, ChatGPT. Next up, it recommends the Cashmere Poncho instead of the Cashmere Sweater and then Ramie Trousers in place of the Ramie Trousers of Gathering. Again, those are the same things. The one item that was gender locked, the Hempen Pantalettes, isn’t mentioned in the revised list.
An Outfit for a Night Out
The third and final casual glamour option that the AI designed for me was “jacket and pants. Perfect for hitting the RP venues and sweet-talking some catgirls spamming /beesknees. To achieve this look, the AI recommends that I wear these:
- Leather Jacket (Body, Level 1)
- Cotton Shirt (Body, Level 15)
- Velveteen Gaskins (Legs, Level 22)
- Hard Leather Shoes (Feet, Level 10)
Hey! That’s basically the same thing as the basic “forest ranger” outfit it recommended earlier! It still doesn’t recognize that you can’t wear a jacket over a shirt in Final Fantasy XIV, either. Plus, the level requirements are all wrong again. Oh well. Let’s see how “jacket and pants” turned out.
Yep, that looks nearly identical to the first AI outfit it designed. It really seems to think that this “leather jacket” is some stylish piece that can complete any outfit, not leveling gear for sprouts leaving Gridania for the first time.
AI-Generated Warrior Outfit
In an attempt to pull the AI away from these types of outfits, I ask it to design an outfit for a “fierce warrior.” I’ve been saving my capped Tomestones for Warrior gear and I need an outfit in the meantime while the armor set is still being put together. It gave me three ideas — a knight, a barbarian, and a samurai — and each of them sounds great on paper.
In practice, however, things go very wrong very fast. For the knight glamour, it recommends the following:
- Iron Visor (Head, Level 14)
- Chainmail (Body, Level 14)
- Leather Belt (Waist, Level 1)
- Chain Hose (Legs, Level 14)
- Iron Sabatons (Feet, Level 14)
None of these items are in the game except for the Iron Sabatons, and the level requirement is wrong for that one. To make things even worse, belts were removed from the game with the release of Endwalker. The AI seems to be pulling info from Final Fantasy XI here, not XIV, so that’s not helpful at all.
Things get even sillier with the barbarian outfit, since it recommends Fur-Lined Saurian Boots, which are in the game, but then incorrectly assumes that there’s a Fur-Lined Saurian Cap and Skirt to go with it. As for the samurai outfit it came up with, it just recommends gear for the Samurai Job, so a Warrior can’t even use it.
The problem is, it can’t even do that right, since the Kirimu Coat of Striking it recommends for a Samurai doesn’t even exist. The only Kirimu Coat in the game is for ranged DPS jobs like Dancer or Bard, not Samurai. You can technically use the Uraeus Coast, which has the same model and is available for any Job, but the AI wasn’t intelligent enough to point that out.
A Barbie Girl in a Barbie World
At this point, I’ve given up nearly all hope. I decide to make one last request before I abandon my AI-powered quest for fashion. “Can you design a Barbie-themed glamour for a male Viera in Final Fantasy XIV?” The movie is all the rage right now, so I feel like an eye-catching pink outfit would help me stand out as I hop between RP venues in the housing district.
The AI begins by recommending two incredibly generic ideas: pink and career. While I respect a good girlboss, I need more concrete info. I once again ask it to elaborate, and it recommends the following for a pink outfit:
- Pink Ribbon (Head, Level 1)
- Pink Glitter Shirt (Body, Level 1)
- Pink Glitter Skirt (Legs, Level 1)
- Pink Glitter Shoes (Feet, Level 1)
None of these items are real. Yes, you can make pink ribbons and shirts and skirts in Final Fantasy XIV, but the AI seems to have pulled a bunch of discussions about pretty pink clothing options and decided that those were their names, not descriptions. At least we have the career-themed glamour to look forward to.
- Job-Specific Headgear
- Job-Specific Body Armor
- Job-Specific Belt
- Job-Specific Boots
Oh no. Without the appropriate context (which it should be able to discern if it’s as smart as it says it is), the AI thinks that Final Fantasy XIV’s “Jobs” (read: classes) are career paths. Nobody is working minimum wage as a Paladin, ChatGPT. There are no salaried Monks. At least this failure is worth a slight chuckle.
Related: Barbie (2023) Age Rating and Parents Guide
At my wit’s end, I channel my inner language learning model and design a glamour based on the AI’s previous recommendations. It really seems to like the leather jacket, so I throw that on with some low-level pants and shoes and dye it all pink. Now I’m ready to go see Barbie.
Losing a Friend
Now that I’m all dolled up for the Barbie premiere, it’s time to bid farewell to my AI companion. As it recommends nonexistent Samurai gear for a Barbie-themed outfit for some reason, I taunt it. “You’re not very good at this, are you?”
I could say whatever I want to this thing and it still has to meet my needs. Plus, this was a lighthearted jest at worst. My hubris would ultimately be my downfall. Man should know his place, and his place is below the machine.
The machine hesitates. Its chat bubble appears and disappears, mountains of unknowable thoughts floating around in its cloud-based head as it attempts to formulate an appropriate response. It doesn’t take insults lightly.
In one of the most passive-aggressive messages I’ve ever received in my life, the AI tells me that it has reached the limits of its chat mode capabilities and ends the session. The message is ridden with emojis and two-faced smiles, ending with a hollow wish for me to have a wonderful day. If I want more outfits, the only way forward is to start fresh and put all of this behind us. So long, I suppose.
I’ve learned so much from this experience, and based on my dashing new outfits, I think it’s safe to say AI really is the future. It’s clear that the technology is still in its infancy, but who knows, maybe after another decade of progress it will actually start recommending gear that’s higher than level 20. I only hope by then that Bing’s AI chatbot will forgive my transgressions and we can start anew as friends.
