If Game Freak Makes Another Bipedal Pokémon, I Will Commit Arson

There’s no denying that the release of a new Pokemon game is a given way to make trainers squeal with childlike glee regardless of age, but once the initial excitement has fizzled out and we are introduced to the next generation of starter Pokemon, the only emotion the majority of us feel is impending disappointment. For Pokemon Scarlet and Violet, the newest addition to the franchise, fans were swift to critique the starters, and the evolutions have been talk of the town ever since.

Starter Pokemon encapsulates everything pure about the Pokemon franchise. They are lifelong companions; we immediately fall in love from the moment we look at them, but the evolutions for certain types have us falling out of love just as quickly. Over the years, there’s been a drastic increase in bipedal Pokemon, which initially start on all fours, yet as they develop and grow alongside the trainer, they decide to take on life on two legs, and trainers are far from thankful. So what’s wrong with leaving critters like cats, or foxes, remaining with all four feet on the ground?

When Sprigatito hit the press, and the initial oohs and ahh’s had dissolved, trainers were left asking one question. Will Game Freak again ruin what could be a pure and adorable evolution line by making this cat stand up? And long story short, they did, and it’s not being received well. There was no need or request for it to evolve to become a biped, especially when its design was highly praised as a quadruped. If a Pokemon starts on four legs, surely it should remain that way, which is why creatures like Garchomp and Charmander are so intimidating throughout their entire evolution line, rather than a Pokemon like Litten, which shakes its sly yet unique nature to enter pro-wrestling tryouts and inevitably become a sports mascot rather than a Pokemon you’d be proud to take to the Elite 4.

In a way, it feels as though Game Freak optimizes height to symbolize power or maturity within Pokemon games because everyone knows that the taller you are, the more ferocious you can be, which is why you always see real-world animals like Hyenas or Lions walking around on their hind legs as if they — right? Wrong. Cats will jump to their hind legs as a form of intimidation and defense but quickly return to all fours if they need to fight. Whereas dogs can’t stand on their hind legs due to muscles being shifted into an unnatural position, what exactly is the purpose of a Pokemon like Meowscarada, which probably wouldn’t last a day in the real world?

So it’s safe to say that Pokemon Trainers are prepared to make unnecessarily humanoid, bipedal Pokemon a thing of the past and focus on the less monstrous Pocket Monsters. But for now, the best thing you can do is place them swiftly into your computer as soon as they grace your party. What you can’t see won’t hurt you, and hopefully, you won’t come face to face with an Incineroar in a dark alley.

Pokemon Scarlet and Violet are available on Nintendo Switch.