A husband says he asked his grieving wife to sleep on an old couch after her sister died in a car crash because her nightmares woke him up

A Redditor sparked a debate online after admitting he asked his grieving wife to sleep on an old couch once or twice a week. He explained that her nightmares, which started after a car crash that killed her sister, were disrupting his sleep. The request led to a fight, leaving him wondering if he was in the wrong.

The man shared the situation on the Am I the A–hole subreddit, as first highlighted by The Daily Dot. He said he and his wife have been married for two years and are “in a tough spot.” About two and a half months ago, his wife and her sister were in a car accident, and his sister-in-law did not survive, which he said has been devastating for his wife.

Since the crash, his wife has been having nightmares. While he knows she can’t control them, he admitted he’s been upset about how they affect his own sleep. He works in construction, which is a physical job, so he feels he needs a good night’s rest more than his wife, who he said recently lost her job after developing depression following the accident.

His reasons for the couch request didn’t land well at home

He tried to explain his reasoning in the post, writing, “Being woken up in the middle of the night makes it worse. My job is also physical so a soft bed is really needed or I will be in pain the next morning.” He added that he has slept on their couch a few times, saying, “It isn’t a new couch and I just feel like sh-t after sleeping there after a long day.”

Because of this, he asked her to sleep on the couch once or twice a week. His wife was upset and offended by the request, which led to a huge fight between them. Another husband previously posted on Reddit about his wife’s home cooking.

Many commenters empathized with both sides of the situation. Ruling that nobody was in the wrong, one Redditor wrote, “That is an incredibly rough situation for you guys, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it.” The same user asked, “Would it be possible for her parents to help with therapy or to have her stay with them or some different family for a bit? Or for you to?”

Another commenter raised concerns about the wife’s mental health, suggesting she could have PTSD from the crash while stressing it was only an assumption. They wrote that if the nightmares are related to the incident, “she could be reliving that crash at night,” which could qualify her for EMDR or trauma counselling.

Many commenters agreed it was reasonable for him to want uninterrupted sleep, especially with his physical job. However, they felt his wife shouldn’t have to sleep on an uncomfortable couch and encouraged him to get a twin bed or find another comfortable spot for her to sleep each night.

Attack of the Fanboy was unable to independently verify the wife’s side of the story, as this account originates solely from a Reddit post.