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The Top Five Most Controversial Game Reviews in Recent History

by William Schwartz

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As many gamers have learned over the years, video game reviews are nothing but opinions of a users experience with a product.  Many things can go into this calculation of a games score.  But for the most part, games tend to be rated within a band or average as the number of reviews increases.   Call it the ease of going with the flow, or a herd mentality, but you always have that review that sticks out like a sore thumb.  Some may call these types of reviews flame baiting or stupidity, we call it balls, because Hell hath no fury like a fanboy scorned.  These are our top five most controversial game reviews in recent history.

God of War III Kikizo – Video Games Daily Reviewed By: Edwin Evans Thirlwell

Highlights:

“It looks big, talks big, wears big, meaty shoulder guards a-drip with gore and shaders, stalks cavernous, creatively lit environments murdering enormous, billion-polygon enemies, but its technical and cinematic accomplishments are essentially sleight of hand. And the conjuring trick is getting old.”

“The chunky bastard still has a certain handshake-crushing charisma, and that pubescent growth spurt has added several cubic feet to his BMI, but his day has come and gone.”

“For one, you get to play more or less the exact same thoughtfully paced, gratifyingly pissed-off hack and slasher your great grand-daddy once fed into his wheezy old PlayStation 2”

The highlights of this iteration are all in the technology; as potent and polished a hack-and-slasher as God of War 3 can be, the myth of its continuing relevance in design circles has worn thin. Series fans should and will invest, as there’s fundamentally nothing broken here that wasn’t broken before, but don’t come expecting a bold rebirth, and don’t come expecting the game of the year. Kratos is a frequent visitor to the Underworld; perhaps it’s time he stayed there.

Heavy Rain  Teletext – Reviewed By: David Jenkins

“But their refusal to acknowledge the limits of current technology, their own scriptwriting abilities and exactly what makes an interactive experience interesting has led to near disaster.”

“Instead you’re dragged through each scene by the nose, forced to pantomime onscreen actions as if you’re controlling a virtual marionette.”

“If it were live action it would seem absurdly illogical and cliched, but performed by the game’s mediocre voice-actors and mannequin-like characters it become downright laughable.”

Assassins Creed 2 – Destructoid –
Reviewed By Jim Sterling

“As usual, the rather embarrassing Animus stuff seems tacked on, pointless and totally unnecessary. Most of the game is set in Ezio’s time period of 15th Century Italy, and players will control Ezio as he attempts to foil a plot that seems ripped right out of The Da Vinci Code. While the story is mostly forgettable,”

“Sure, there is more variety than the last game, but it is still repetitive as Hell and feels incredibly boring.”

“Speaking of absolute crap, I don’t know what Ubisoft has done to the game’s engine, but Jesus Christ is it bad. This game has some of the most puzzlingly bad graphics I have seen on a console this year. The facial animation in particular is abhorrently nightmarish, with characters looking like circus freaks and moving as if they were bizarre puppets in rubber flesh.” 4.5/10

Final Fantasy XIIIDestructoid – Reviewed By Jim Sterling

“The story is terrible, but the dialog is worse. An average conversation in Final Fantasy XIII goes like this: “Pulse, Cocoon, L’sie, Fal’sie, Focus, Focus, Focus.” Over and over again, the same stupid words. If you can get to the end of this 30+ hour saga and not be sick of those words, you’re a strong man indeed.”

“The game constantly gives off a sense that it’s having way more fun with itself than the player, and that theme is continued in the brand new battle system. Battles ostensibly play themselves for you, mostly because Square Enix’s new Paradigm System is so contrived and complicated that the player would be confused if he had to control it himself.”

“It takes more than graphics to make a game, and Final Fantasy XIII offers very little else other than eye candy. Ultimately, this latest addition to the Final Fantasy series is a pompous and masturbatory affair, created seemingly to promote the developer’s ego first, and the player’s enjoyment second. Every now and then its fights can approach satisfying, but mostly this is a dull, dreary affair that is too busy licking its own arse to look up and notice that everybody around it has fallen asleep. Written with all the skill of a three-year-old and paced with the eagerness of a virgin in heat, Final Fantasy XIII isn’t just bad by Final Fantasystandards, it’s pretty damn poor for the genre itself.

It’s the worst main chapter in the Final Fantasy series to date, and if this is the future of the franchise, that future is incredibly bleak indeed.”(4/10)

Mass Effect 2 – Game Critics – Reviewed By Brad Gallaway

Highlights:

“BioWare chose to remove planetary surface explorationcompletely and replaced it with an incredibly tiresome (and necessary) “scanning” mechanic which has players passively combing planet after planet with a giant cursor. I can hardly think of anything more offensively dull.”

“Although there are a number of other bizarre, incomprehensible alterations that irritate, (Buy fuel for the ship? Guns lose infinite ammo? Same-room fetchquests? Easily-looped dialogue trees?) one of my largest issues with Mass Effect 2 is the aimless, fragmented feeling of the adventure itself. Without spoiling much, it becomes quickly apparent that the premise of stopping an evil force takes a backseat to the real main objective of the game: collecting teammates.”

“Aside from the narrative weakness of too many underdeveloped characters, the new global emphasis on skirmishes is also of concern. As stated earlier, the teammate AI and combat mechanics are greatly improved over the first game, but things have (again) gotten carried away.”

“Players who can look past the lack of drive, annoying decisions, and a general stripped-down, dumbed-down feeling…”

What say you reader? Were these flamebait reviews? Stupid? Spot on? We want to know. Leave you comment in the section below.

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