Boyfriend told her having kids is her duty as a partner despite her wish of never having children. Commenters think it’s a fundamental incompatibility

A woman is reconsidering her two and a half year relationship after her boyfriend claimed that having children is her duty as a partner. The situation, which surfaced on Reddit (first covered by Daily Dot), highlights a clash over life goals that many people would view as a dealbreaker. Both individuals are 35 years old, but their perspectives on the future couldn’t be more different.

The boyfriend, who serves in the military and is away for about eight months of the year, insists that starting a family is a responsibility she must accept. This perspective has left the woman feeling like a “baby making machine” rather than a partner.

She has been firm about her desire to remain child-free since she was ten years old, a decision influenced by observing her mother stay in an unhappy marriage due to financial dependence. She has since built a successful life, currently earning $250,000 annually and managing $1.3 million in stock market investments. She is also currently pursuing graduate school.

Despite her clear stance, she is taking the precaution of freezing her eggs as she approaches her 36th birthday in two months

She noted that if she were to ever change her mind, she would require a partner who is physically present to help with raising children and someone who contributes financially to cover the substantial costs of child care. Her boyfriend has reacted to her boundaries by labeling her a “hedonist” and a “nihilist,” a reaction that seems particularly harsh given her focus on maintaining the freedom and independence she has worked so hard to achieve.

My bf just told me it’s my duty to give him children
by u/Thummimurim8 in GirlDinnerDiaries

The online community has been quick to weigh in on the situation, with many pointing toward a fundamental incompatibility that likely can’t be resolved with compromise. One commenter wrote, “If he wants kids this badly and you don’t, you guys are incompatible. I say this as a mother, children are not for the weak and no woman should have children if she’s not 100% sure she wants them.”

The logistics of the boyfriend’s military career also drew significant criticism from those following the post. Because he is only home for four months out of the year, many users questioned the fairness of his demands. One person wrote, “Especially not with some dude who’s only home a third of the year, yet claims ‘it’s your duty’ to have kids he’ll never be around to care for. Not that this guy sounds like he’d care for any kids, anyway. OP, this is not a situation you want to end up in. Since he’s never home anyway, there’s not much to miss here.”

While the woman describes him as an “adventure partner” who is generally loving, the recurring arguments regarding children have clearly created a massive divide. Another commenter offered some perspective on the weight of the decision, noting that the choice to have kids must come from within.

They wrote, “Absolutely. Don’t doubt yourself. You know if you want kids. No man can change that. I wasn’t sure for 10 years and we did IVF in year 11 and I had my kid. I felt I owed it to him since we stayed married for so long but he never enforced it. It was my choice. And while I have no regrets, the child free life is also pretty great. Do you.”