A mother from Bentonville, Arkansas, recently started a huge debate on TikTok after posting a video about her feelings of gender disappointment after learning her third child is a boy. Kaitlin Togami, who often posts about her life as a mother, filmed herself crying shortly after getting the news. The video has gotten a lot of attention, reaching over 789,200 views, more than 40,800 likes, and nearly 2,380 comments.
In the TikTok video, she talked openly about her long-held wish to have a daughter, something she has wanted since she was 12 years old. She said she had tried different methods to try to influence the baby’s gender and had prayed a lot for a girl. During the video, she said directly, “Why not? Like, it’s like, the one thing that I want. God, like, why not let me have a daughter?”
Togami explained that she had also struggled when she found out her second child was a boy, saying she felt completely devastated at the time. She said that while she used to be willing to keep trying for a girl, she now feels three kids is enough. Even though she feels disappointed, she made clear that she does love her unborn baby. As she put it, “I love him so much… But it doesn’t take away the fact that I’m mourning what I don’t or won’t have.”
Video sparks mixed reactions from viewers online
She went on to describe what she had pictured for a mother-daughter relationship, saying she wanted to do “girly” things together and shop in the girls’ sections at stores like Target and Old Navy. She said her current pregnancy doesn’t feel exciting to her right now, though she hoped her feelings would change over time. Motherhood often brings joy to women, as one Hollywood A-lister recently shared.
She said she made the video to show a real emotional experience that some parents go through, hoping to connect with others who might feel the same way.
People’s reactions to the video were split. Some viewers were supportive, saying her feelings were valid and understandable. One user wrote, “It’s NORMAL to feel this way. There’s so much to miss out on when you don’t have whatever gender your heart desires. I see you. 💙”
Another commenter defended her, writing, “The fact that some people don’t realize that this has nothing to do with the love she carries for her sons. It’s just grieving something you will never have which you want for a long time. It has nothing to do with her loving her children, any less.”
Other viewers pushed back on her choice to post the video publicly. One commenter, who said they are also a mother of three boys, wrote, “As a mom of 3 boys, I definitely get it… But I also didn’t record myself for my kids to see this in the future so 🤷🏾♀️” Another person wrote, “Imagine being a child and seeing your mother post this :)”
Some commenters said she should keep such feelings private, with one writing, “It’s ok to keep your private life private.” Another said, “I legitimately thought this was a skit.” One more commenter suggested she should focus on being thankful, writing, “Be grateful you have a baby. A lot of people would dream to have a baby.”
After receiving a wave of criticism, Togami posted a follow-up TikTok video to respond to the backlash. She described the negative comments as internet hate and said she is moving forward with her life as a “boy mom.” Her response contrasts with the story of a recently divorced grandmother who posted a video about how she can’t afford a home.
Published: Jul 5, 2026 12:45 pm