A man on TikTok says the women he talks to all have great careers and pay for their own trips, so now they’re asking ‘do I even like him?’

A TikTok creator known as @becominghim47 shared his take on how dating priorities have shifted for women with established careers. He says women are no longer looking for someone who simply checks off boxes, and are instead asking themselves, “do I even like him?”

As first highlighted by Daily Dot, the video has drawn over a million views and over 100,000 likes. The creator explains that he talks to many women with high levels of independence.

He says every woman he speaks with “has a great career, has an apartment that they pay for.” He adds that these women also go on trips they pay for, enjoy expensive hobbies, and treat themselves to nice dinners with friends.

He says women are now sizing up men as future husbands

Because these women have built their own lives, the creator argues they are evaluating men as long-term partners rather than providers. According to him, they are asking what kind of husband and father a man will be, whether he is a good leader, and whether he is good at home.

He tells men who want to attract these women that they need to be answering those questions themselves. He suggests that means doing the work every day to have the right answers.

The shift he describes lines up with broader data on women’s earnings. A 2023 Pew Research Center analysis found that wives earn as much as or more than their husbands in 45% of opposite-sex marriages, nearly triple the share in 1972. Attitudes have been slower to move, though, as the same research found 48% of Americans believe most married men would prefer to earn more than their wives, while just 3% think most men want a wife who out-earns them.

Many commenters agreed with his assessment of the current dating scene. One person wrote that theirs is the “first generation to date men for their character.. that’s why we all single.”

Another user shared how their profession led to an abrupt end to a conversation, writing, “One guy literally blocked me on Hinge after I said I am an engineer.” Worries about men being put off by successful women have surfaced on TikTok before, including advice to remove achievement photos from dating profiles.

Other commenters mentioned the practical side of dating with a busy life. One person explained that they now cancel plans if the time commitment is too high, writing, “I can’t just go out to go out just because he’s paying.” They added that they are now paying with the time it took to get ready.

Some of the discussion also touched on moving forward after bad experiences. One commenter shared that they are still recovering after a year, noting that their therapist told them it can take a couple of years to come out of survival mode after a traumatic betrayal.